It just wasn’t enough to lose my wallet, now it’s my phone

I lost my phone two and a half weeks ago, somewhere between Costco at 4 p.m. on Monday and 2 p.m. the following day in my house. I went from Costco to my driveway into my house and didn’t leave. The kids and I (mostly me) have ripped the house apart. I’ve gone back to Costco and examined their lost and found drawers myself.

I didn’t back it up, of course. It held all my doctors and clinic appointments through all this cancer crap, including my questions and the doctors’ answers, unposted blog entries, ideas, notes of gifts received, people to thank, all of the photos I’ve taken of myself through before-chemo hair to short hair to bald to regrowth—only the “good” photos because I deleted the others, pics of the kids, little things like the progression of puzzles at the radiation suite as people put in their 15 minutes a day, plus all the text exchanges that I kept because some people are so comforting to me their texts calmed me months and months later when I would re-read them, and all my voice recordings of doctor meetings, my psychiatrist’s guided meditations and inner resource work with me, the lymphadema therapists working through 30 and 40 minute massages so I could do them myself at the same pace without forgetting what’s next, and all the phone numbers and addresses of every person, clinic, department, hospital, supplier, etc. I’ve been in contact with for more than the last two years. It is so overwhelming.

I have been having a world-class pity party for the last two and half weeks and I still feel like 30 pounds of crappy sausage in a 10-pound casing. No, that’s what my arm feels like in this sumer heat and humidity. I feel like a leaky, weepy old outdoor faucet.

I need to get over it and get a new phone. I should take it as a sign and start with a clean slate and no old cancer photos and cancer appointments and lists of cancer questions. But it seems far too hard.

Thank you for reading. If you’ve texted with me in the past, please send me one soon. I haven’t cancelled my service (no one has used the phone since I did the day I lost it) so when I get and activate a new one, the texts should just flow in and catch up. That’ll give me a start in building up my contacts list again. Sigh.