Midnight MRI

I had a full chest-abdomen-pelvis CT done just before radiation was over. I called a week later and was told  by my oncologist’s assistant that it was clear. YAY! No little cancer worms, scraps or shrapnel got loose into my body between surgery and radiation. Huge weight off my shoulders. Yahoo, whoop, whoop, whoop!

One month later, at my September appointment with my oncologist, I say, “Well, I heard my CT scan was clear,” and she says, “Yeah, well, about that. There’s something on your adrenal gland in the CT. Could be something, could be nothing.” I’ll order an urgent MRI and we’ll see what it is.”

“IT’S METASTASIS, THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!” I didn’t say that. I asked, “Is that in my brain? Because I don’t want it in my brain.”

I love when I am my own comic relief. My doc laughed and laughed—”no, they’re little glands on top of your kidneys.”

“Oh good. I just don’t want that cancer in my brain.”

I didn’t ask any questions, because Dr. Brezden-Masley and I don’t deal in what-ifs. She said she’d ask for the MRI on an urgent basis, and I should call her one week after the test. Then I left the hospital and drove to Stratford for Dad’s visitation and funeral.

It took me a day or two to actually get to my computer and look up triple negative spreading to adrenal glands—and damn, it does! I also found this image:

OMG! How could I be scared of what looks like two chocolate-covered jumbo jellybeans with cute little toques on???

My urgent MRI came up five days later at 12:45 a.m. I drove back to Toronto, and took Graydon as my companion—when you self-medicate in the MRI tube, they won’t let you leave the hospital on your own. It was loud and clangy, and claustrophobic So at 2 a.m. I was back in my bed in Toronto, thinking about my dad, about this aggressive triple negative cancer, about metastasis, about prognosis with metastasis, about that evil freaking cancer. Low, low times.

So tomorrow I will call and hope the CT had a shadow, and the MRI banished it.

Join me in hoping please, please, please?

9 Responses

  1. Hoping BIG TIME!

  2. Hi Jackie: trying my phone to see if the post works. Very disappointing to hear about the adrenals, love your description of the jelly beans with toques on. You still have lots of humor which is amazing.
    Good luck with the MRI and will send prayers into the universe for you. I have a good feeling about the results.

    • Hello Auntie K,
      I’m hoping your good feeling about the results goes from your lips to your prayers into the universe and straight to the Big Guy’s ear. I was very upset when I first got the news, but I got the “urgent” MRI in five days, so the fact my onc hasn’t called me yet, and is waiting for the appointment, says to me that it is a good result too. If it was bad, I think she’d have had me in already. Now, from my blog to God’s ear!

  3. Oh my! I think YOu’ve been through enough already! Time for all this cancer nonsense to leave you alone! Be gone threats of cancer! Shoo! Scram! Vamoose! GET LOST!!! Time for you to have some peace. I’ll be sending prayers and healing light to surround you. Please let us know ASAP! We love and care about you and are always hoping for a positive outcome. ❤ hearts to you, Jen xoxo

    • There you are! The MRI obviously heard you and felt your vibes, because I am clear, baby, clear! Take a peek at the post I just put up—October 9.
      xoxoxo and thanks for all your encouragement!

      • Wooooo Hoooo!!! A horrible ordeal has been left in the dust! Bye bye ugliness of cancer, hello beauty of life ❤

        Our family has taken a bunch of hits this year but we are troopers and we'll fight on!

        Way to go Jackie, you did it!

        much love xoxoxox Jen

      • No kidding! Your mum (on the mend finally, I hope, she should refuse to leave the hospital this time until she’s diagnosed to Brian’s satisfaction); my Dad, your Uncle Ray, dying; my cancer; your moving… I hope things keep getting better. xoxoxo to you!

  4. Yup it’s been a challenging year for us all. My Mom is home again now. the docs have decided to keep her on the antibiotics for another 12 weeks in hopes of killing the last bit of infection. There’s a pocket of it in her spine so surgery isn’t an option. I spoke with her a few days ago and she was doing sooo much better than the last time we spoke. Keeping hopes high. This year is almost over… hopefully next year will be more postive!

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