Pathology appointment in less than 24 hours

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You guys better be finding no cancer in those lymph nodes!!!

Like it says in my very imaginative and teasing title, tomorrow is pathology report day. I am experiencing an abnormally high level of anxiety over this. To be honest, I am going freaking crazy. Swooping from “I am going to beat this!” to “I am going to die.” I have resisted the urge to troll for any more journal articles after the last one that outlined the time between distant metastases and death for triple negative patients. I feel like I am wallowing in my misfortune, and then I think, “misfortune?” It’s my freaking life that’s being threatened!!

This is a useless post. I have slept and rested (depressed) for days, and now I feel like I have to do a million things. Laundry for Luka’s class trip (leaves tomorrow), strategizing contents of garage in the wake of the Yard Sale for the Cure that Tessa and my sister Heidi held the day after I came home from my surgery, organizing my room (forget it), replying to emails, getting the lawn mower blades sharpened (if I wasn’t so torqued I would never have agreed to the usurious $40 the sharpener man charged), blabbing to my neighbour Tracy all kinds of stuff (she is very nice and patient), and more. I have not taken any ativan today, and I don’t even know why. Maybe the same reason I didn’t demand more pain killers post-surgery when mine ran out? Suffer, girl, suffer?

I am taking ativan now and will try to peace out. Please cross your fingers.

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