Guided ultrasound biopsy finally delivers the goods, or some of them

The results from the guided ultrasound biopsy showed that what I had was adenocarcinoma, a cancer from a gland. But what gland, you ask? That would need more investigating. But I had cancer.
My oncologist was very compassionate. She held my hands and told me what I could expect, answered questions and gave advice. My cancer navigator was confident, gentle, very detailed in her explanations. I cried about actually being told it was definitely cancer, about being bald in less than three weeks, and about having to tell my kids. I would start chemo December 18.
In a December 16 note to my youngest’s teacher, I said:
I’m sure you’ve noticed Luka hasn’t been himself recently. We have been tearing out the carpets in our house, which meant packing and sending all contents of main floor and half of the upstairs into storage. The scrub down and painting will be done this week.
The reason for this is I have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. LUKA DOES NOT KNOW YET. His sister is writing five exams at university, ending on the 18th. I cannot tell her until then, so I cannot tell the other kids. I’ll be telling them at dinner on the 19th. Luka thinks we are doing all this to have a really clean house for Christmas. We are doing it because the chemo will apparently be very hard, and I will need as sterile an environment as we can get.
His birthday is this Saturday.
I did not organize a group Christmas gift from the parents, and for that I’m sorry. It is me, not the other parents or their lack of interest, just my having too much in my head.
Not only did I drop the ball on the class Christmas present for the teacher (my responsibility as the grade parent of Luka’s class) I had completely forgotten all the details for registering Luka for his Grade 8 Sacrament of Confirmation. Beside that, not having the energy or desire to go Christmas shopping was pretty petty stuff. It was shaping up to be a crummy holiday.

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