Distance + coffee = home-amnesia

This is always how I imagine my morning coffee to look. It usually ends up in a travel mug with a leaky lid and then ultimately on whatever shirt, sweater, scarf or coat I am wearing

I sent my boyfriend the lyrics to “Monday, Monday” by The Mamas and The Papas early this morning because I was in such a crazy hurry to get all of the Monday morning stuff done—and got 10-year-old fed, dressed, washed and to school one minute late (only one!), Graydon’s friend to his house and me to my office on time. When I have a terrible night’s sleep (like last night) I bring far more positive energy to the table to make the day get off well. By the time I got to my office, I was patting myself on the back because despite a very cramped and emotionally stressful weekend, I felt kind of OK. Amazing how distance and coffee can cause home-amnesia. A simple exchange with a colleague brought it back:

“Hey, will this make you smile?”
9:00 AM
[forgive my techno-break from current WordPress reality, but I do not know if this video link will work, so like in the old, old, old days, I can only paste in the URL here, and suggest that you watch it before reading further, Because it really will take you back and make you smile!]

“Aw yes, that made me smile. And reminded me of a stellar component of this morning’s mad dash for school and work—toast in toaster, get butter—all gone! lazy-ass kids used it all up—grab stone-cold butter from fridge, cut in half and chuck in microwave. Punch 10-second button twice. Run to get pup in (barking fool head off). Get Luka’s school bag on the way back, pour milk on cereal. Get water for pup. Ping! Toast done. Open microwave, see hunk of butter is liquid all over turntable. Why is 10-second button so damn close to the one-minute button on this microwave???? That made the mummie very annoyed, but she just shut the microwave door and reached for the nutella! Yay Mum!
9:04 AM

“I used to be sent to my room to consider the impact and scope using the last of the margerine would have on each other family member and the family as a whole. I use buttter now.”

“That is good parental practice. Graydon was the guilty one, and he was unconscious in his room. Pick the battles…”

“Granted, that’s pretty much as “BAD” as bad I got.”
9:07 AM

“MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!  Virgo: Everyone is looking to you now because your pragmatic outlook is exactly what is needed today. It may seem like others are coming to you for assistance because they’re trying to make up for lost time. It doesn’t matter that you might be ready to slow down a bit; you’ll probably end up helping your friends, anyway. Don’t just do what’s expected of you because you think you should. Act from the heart or don’t do it at all.”

“What’s yours?”

“I am a Gemini. I used to think that was fun, now I think is is a step over the threshhold of MPD.”

“LOL! Oh, lord. You might expect the hectic pace of your life to settle down now, but instead you seem to face one problem after another. Even if your day runs smoothly, your curiosity drives you to search for answers to a whole list of questions. Instead of scattering your attention, get back to the basics and focus on the most practical issues in your life. Methodically tying up loose ends today will go a long way toward preventing them from unraveling later on. Sorry!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWAAAAAAWAAAAAAAWAAAAAAWAAAAA!!!!!!!

9:12 AM

See ya!

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“Mum, I think I’m depressed….”

Although he doesn't always look this sad, Phineus and Ferb's platypus is always unsettled about something, and rarely "holds" a smile...

Aaaaawww… Those are words I never wanted to hear coming from my 9-year-old Luka. He’s sitting in the back seat, holding his brother’s PSP game-thing, looking out the window.

“What do you mean, ‘depressed’? Like you feel sad about something?”

“No, not really sad. Down. I feel down all the time.”

“Like all day long?”

“Like every day. I just feel down all the time.”

Mental Health Awareness Week was last week, no, two weeks ago, or was it a month? I was all set to post lots of links to mental health sites and my good intentions disappeared in a tidal wave of work, here and at work, you name it. I had an instant pang of, Dang! I’ve not been paying attention to the littlest one!

“But you had a great time playing with your cousin on the weekend,” I urge.

“Sure, when I’m playing nonstop sometimes I’m too busy, but if I get not busy, it just all comes back.”

“What?”

“The down feeling. It comes back feeling bigger.”

“But honey, you have fun at school. In the field, the snow pit, with your friends? Right?”

“Yeah. But I can’t keep a smile.”

“How so?”

“You know Cory (the names have been changed to protect the happy) in my class? He’s not depressed. He grins and smiles all the time. I can only smile a little. I can’t smile for more than 10 seconds. It just breaks.”

Aaawww. No. Not my littlest guy.

“Who else do you know who is maybe depressed or down, like you feel? Anybody?”

“Graydon. And Tessa sometimes.”

OK. We did all attend family therapy, and we talk for an hour. He’s bound to hear them talk about depression in our sessions. He could be:

  • modelling their behaviour to be the same as them
  • needing more attention, and sees this as a way to that
  • letting his “learned helplessness” from school carry over to home
  • actually, finally showing some signs of the stress the family has been under.

I pick Option 4.

“Luka, you know how we all talked to Lincoln on Mondays about how everybody was doing? Well, maybe we could talk about you specially. Maybe you could talk to him with Tessa, Graydon and me out of the room for a while?”

No answer, just nodding. But actions speak louder than words. So I’ll be making a call or two next week.

It’s Friday. I am so out of practice with blogging that I can’t even remember what I used to do on Fridays…Foto Fridays rings a bell (snaps a shutter). I’ll have to look into it.

Have a fab weekend!